
The Drinking age in the United States should be changed to eighteen. On July 17, 1984, the Uniform Drinking Age Act was formed, which states the legal drinking age to be declared to twenty-one from eighteen. This law was changed in an attempt to lower the amount of drunk driving accidents, but I am opposed to this solution. Just because someone is under the age of twenty-one, doesn't mean they will drink and drive. I believe that people who drink and drive will do so no matter what age. At eighteen years old, we are categorized as “adults” and yet we are restricted from doing certain things, for example, drinking alcohol. Although you must be twenty-one to drink, this law doesn't stop minors from drinking. Instead, people under twenty-one will just consume alcohol irresponsibly, because they feel as if it's a way to "rebel". In forcing this law of the drinking age as twenty-one, it is actually making the problems worse. Lowering the drinki
ng age can teach responsible drinking to those who drink alcoholic beverages. Eighteen year olds should be treated like the "adults" they are.
Many young people took advantage of their right to suffrage this past election. It seems to not make sense how the U.S. Government trusts eighteen year olds to contribute in making the decision of who runs our country, yet they cannot allow them to be responsible enough drink an alcoholic beverage. At eighteen you are able to get married, but not able to sip champagne at your wedding. We are able to fight and die for our country. On your eighteenth birthday, you can go get something drawn on your skin that will stay on your body forever, and afterwards go out to a bar where eighteen year olds are serving beer, but still cannot drink. At eighteen years old you can buy a gun, cigarettes, play poker, go to jail and even buy and smoke Salvia, which is a drug that has some of the same effects of LSD. With all these privileges or rights we get at eighteen, what makes twenty-one so special for drinking?
Recently, A small group of about 100 college presidents disagreed with our government. This group is called the Amethyst Initiative. They believe that restricting people under twenty one from drinking increases and encourages binge drinking. Binge drinking is drinking with the primary intention of becoming intoxicated by heavy consumption of alcohol in a short period of time. The law states that any state that wants to consider lowering its drinking age faces 10% deduction in highway funds. The Amethyst Initiative isn't necessarily trying to lower the drinking age, but just trying to open the discussion in congress.
Alcohol can make you feel really good, but if it is abused, it can impair your ability to operate some machinery and vehicles. About 185,000 people are killed each year in drunk driving accidents and 85,000 in alcohol-related situations. Kids always want what they can't have. If they are introduced to alcohol at a younger age they are more likely to be responsible about drinking. There is much more education now then when the drinking age used to be eighteen so the idea wouldn't be just to lower the age to eighteen, but have something called a "drinking license." Similar to a drivers license, you would have to go to school and be certified, just the way you would do to be able to drive a car. This would better inform eighteen year olds about the risks of being an irresponsible drinker.
Each year, a staggering 440,000 people die in the US from cigarette use. There are also 30,694 firearm deaths each year as well. The two statistics just stated involve items you can buy at the age of eighteen. What makes an eighteen year old mature enough to buy a gun and take a life, but not mature enough to have a drink? The governments concern is that 18-20 year olds are the main cause behind most drunk driving incidents today. If you need to be twenty-one to drink, maybe you should be twenty-one to smoke and purchase a firearm as well, considering the deaths caused by them are the same if not higher.
On September 16, 2004, Gordie Bailey, a freshmen at the University of Colorado, died of alcohol poisoning. He drank as part of a hazing to get into a fraternity. This is a huge example of why the drinking age should be lowered. Gordie Bailey died because it was illegal for him to be drinking, so the guys in the fraternity didn't take him to a hospital or call an ambulance because they were afraid. If it had been legal for him to drink, Gordie could have been saved. Considering that I am this age, I feel that it's wrong to call an eighteen year old an "adult" but at the same time not let them drink an alcoholic beverage.
1) A) This essay would be about changing the drinking age
ReplyDeleteB) The author’s position is to lower the drinking age.
C) The author hooks the reader in by explaining the history about the drinking age and why is was changed in the first place.
D) I would age some statistics in the introduction, it proves the point.
2) The author’s arguments are: 18 year olds are allowed to vote for president, you can get married at 18, you are able to fight and die for you country, get a tattoo, go clubbing, At eighteen years old you can buy a gun, cigarettes, play poker, go to jail and even buy and smoke Salvia.
3) The author’s counterarguments are: alcohol if heavily consumed it can impair your ability to operate some machinery and vehicles. It can also bring alcohol poisoning.
4) a) the writer deals with the opposition very well
b) the writer strongest points are showing all the things eighteen year olds and that drinking should not be different.
c) the weakest point of the essay is that there are no pictures between paragraphs.
d) yes, the points of the essay are organized in the most effective manner.
E) The author has pointed out all the strong points
f) alcohol makes you do stupid things
5) the thesis is written in the best way
6) “Many young people took advantage of their right to suffrage this past election.” REVISED: Many teens took advantage of their right to suffrage this past election.
“Recently, A small group of about 100 college presidents disagreed with our government. This group is called the Amethyst Initiative.” REVISED: Recently the Amethyst Initiative, a small group of 100 college presidents, disagreed with our government.
7) I would add digital objects which create a better flow in the essay, pictures speak louder then words.
DIGITAL OBJECTS
I WOULD ADD PICTURES BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS. THE FIRST THING THAT YOU SHOULD SEE WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR BLOG SHOULD BE A PICTURE. TRY . THE OTHER PICTURES THAT YOU PUT IN TRANSITION BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS SHOULD BE ABOUT THE PARAGRAPH.
THE MOVIE: The movie was really good, the way you read the text and speck yourself is really cool. I feel that you should keep everything the same except cut some of the parts in the interview. If done the movie would be perfect.
You pose a good argument about how we are adults and we should be treated like adults. Your essay is too the point. You used the counterarguments to your advantage by saying how now we are more educated and we can be more responsible. I also like how you used cigarettes to prove your point on how not only alcohol can cause damage to ourselves. The statistics also helped make your essay more real. Using Godie Bailey's story was a smart idea because it made me realize how legalizing alcohol wouldn't just allow me and other 18 year olds to have more fun at parties but also how it could have saved someone's life if it was legal. Also by showing all the other responsibilities 18 years old take on when they turn 18, it makes drinking alcohol look silly compared to those. Your pictures are funny and show your point. I also enjoyed your video and I like how you spoke in it, the text wasn't too fast and the music went perfectly and gave it a little humor. Over all your essay was good and too the point, I also liked how you told us that there should be a way to educate teenagers more about drinking so that they are not as reckless when and if they change the drinking age to 18.
ReplyDeleteIn re- reading the revised essay done by Jamie, she begins pointing out a solid argument with many static’s which include both sides. That was done very well. The sentence structure is very accurate leading her points in the right direction. The visuals that were presented in the essay made her argument very approachable and enjoyable because we tend to understand the point she is trying to make without even having to read her paper. The counterarguments are well displayed as well as the thesis. Also, the questions that you included in the essay are very interesting. It makes the reader have a break in between the essay and think… Nicely done! The only thing I tend to notice in the essay are some sentences that can be revised:
ReplyDeleteParagraph 1: “This law was changed in an attempt to lower the amount of drunk driving accidents, but I am opposed to this solution.” You can change the “I am opposed” to: But I oppose this solution.
Paragraph 1: “I believe that people who drink and drive will do so no matter what age”
You can change this to: In my opinion, people who drink and drive will do so no matter how old they are
Paragraph 2: “It seems to not make sense how the U.S. Government trusts eighteen year olds to…”
You can start the paragraph off with: It does not make sense of how the U.S. Government…
Paragraph 3: “Binge drinking is drinking with the primary”—This sounds a bit repetitive so you can change this to: Binge drinking, also known as drinking with the primary
Paragraph 3: “you would have to go to school and be certified, just the way you would do to be able to drive a car”.
You can revise this to: You would have to go to school and be certified, the same process as going through to be able to drive a car.
THE VIDEO In my opinion, the video was done really good. You were very well heard, a lot of information, and the interviews were fantastic. Your argument was very well put and your video backed it up as well. Good style in music, relating to the argument. Did not get bored at any moment, the movie was in very good length and gave out solid and needed information.
You begin clearly stating your point. Your essay overall is argued really well, considering I’m also this age I see where you are coming from. I think that your point where you say that at this age we can go die for out country yet me cant have a simple drink. Is really good. Your points are organized well and the statistics help you back up your arguments. I like the story about the guy that died because of alcohol poisoning, because I think it helps make your argument.
ReplyDeleteYour first picture is ok it makes sense. The cartoons are really cute and effective to the point you are trying to make. Your video is good, I like that you spoke in it instead of just having viewers read for themselves. Your music fit well, and the images were great. I also think your interviews were good since they mostly agreed with your position that really made your argument seem more open [if that makes sense] rather than just a personal opinion.