On July 17, 1984, the Uniform Drinking Age Act was formed, which states the legal drinking age to be declared to twenty-one from eighteen. This law was changed in an attempt to lower the amount of drunk driving accidents, but I am opposed to this solution. Just because someone is under the age of twenty-one, doesn't mean they will drink and drive. I believe that people who drink and drive will do so no matter what age. At eighteen years old, we are categorized as “adults” and yet we are restricted from doing certain things, for example, drinking alcohol. Although you must be twenty-one to drink, this law doesn't stop minors from drinking. Instead, people under twenty-one will just consume alcohol irresponsibly, because they feel as if it's a way to "rebel". In forcing this law of the drinking age as twenty-one, it is actually making the problems worse. Lowering the drinking age can teach responsible drinking to those who drink alcoholic beverages. Eighteen year olds should be treated like the "adults" they are.
At eighteen, were able to contribute in making the decision of who runs our country. It seems to not make sense how the U.S. Government trusts eighteen year olds with their votes, yet they cannot allow them to be responsible enough drink an alcoholic beverage. We are also able to get married, but not able to sip champagne at our wedding. We are able to fight and die for our country, but at the same time we cannot go to the bar and drink afterwards. At eighteen years old you can buy a gun, cigarettes, and even fly a plane. With all these privileges or rights we get at eighteen, what makes twenty-one so special for drinking?
Each year, a staggering 440,000 people die in the US from cigarette use. There are also 30,694 firearm deaths each year as well. The two statistics just stated involve items you can buy at the age of eighteen. What makes an eighteen year old mature enough to buy a gun, but not mature enough to have a drink? The governments concern is that 18-20 year olds are the main cause behind most drunk driving incidents today. If you need to be twenty-one to drink, maybe you should be twenty-one to smoke and purchase a firearm as well, considering the deaths caused by them are obviously very high also.
Considering that I am this age, I feel that it's wrong to call an eighteen year old an "adult" but at the same time not let them drink an alcoholic beverage. As a solution to this problem, I think that the government should install breathalyzer devices in every car, as well as more police checkpoints to control the situation. The government needs to realize that you can be any age to drink and drive, and thats its not just from eighteen to twenty-one years old.
Robert Mahgerefteh
ReplyDelete1. what do you think this essay will be about?
This essay is about changing the drinking age back to 18.
What poisition is the writer taking?
This writer wants to change the drinking ge to 18.
How does the introduction try to hook your attention?
she mentions that with the age being 21, its making the problem worse. she also mentions that 18 years old, you should be treated as an adult.
make some specific suggestions for trying to improve this introduction.
you can include statistics and examples. try to make a clear thesis statement.
2. To support her argument, she says that we are responsible enough to vot, and get married. Also, if we are allowed to go to war we should be able to drink. you can buy a gun, cigarettes, and even fly a plane at 18.
3. the counter argument the author mentions, is that the government believes 18-20 year olds are the ones who get in the most car accidents when drinking and driving.
4. how well does the writer deal with the opposition?
she doesnt deal with the opposition so well, just what the government believes. it's hard to tell
What is the writer's strongest point and why?
that we are allowed to get married, vot, and go to war. if you can risk your life or make a life chose to get married you should be able to drink.
what is the writers weakest point and why? should it be eliminated? strengthened? replaced with something else? make specific suggestions for revision.
she doesnt include a lot of statistics and examples, and the counter argument is too weak.
Are the points of the argument organized in the most effective manner? ifnot, suggest a more strategic order.
the points are well written, if you come with some stats it would be more convincinv. for example, how many 18-20 year olds get married.
to come up with another strong point, you can include any countries that have their drinking age at 18.
another counter argument can be how many people die each year from alcohol.
5.the drinking age should be 18 because you are consider an adult at 18.
6. considering that i am this age, i fell that it's wrong to call an eeighteen year old an "adult" but at the same time not let them drink an alcoholic beverage. as a solution to this problem, i think that the government should install breathalyzer devices in every car, as well as more police checkpoints to control the situation.
you can change it to: considering that i am 18, i fell that it is wrong to call an 18 year old an adult, but at the same time not letting them drink is wrong. A situation to stop the drinking and driving problem can be placing breathalyzer devices in cars and there can be more police checkpoints around.
7. add more statistics and a more counter argument.
David
ReplyDeleteChange the drinking age from 21 to 18.
What position is the writer taking?- The
Writer is taking the position of legalizing 18 year old's to drink alcohol.
The introduction hooks my attention by relating to my age group. She begins explaining how due to the age limit, 18 year old begin to rebel. She also states that we are responsible enough to drink and the way she quotes us as “adults” hooks my attention drastically.
Breaking down the thesis statement would be a start. Another improvement that can be made would be to state more arguments and more reasons of why teenagers deserve to drink at a younger age. Also, you can state the differences of 21 year old's drinking and 18 year old's drinking by adding statistics of who overrules and how.
The writer begins stating how we have the right to vote, get married, buy cigarettes, fly a plane and go to war at 18, yet we do not get the right to drink until we’re 21.
The counterargument that the author has stated was that according to the government, 18 year old's are the main cause of drunk driving accidents that are caused up till this day.
In my opinion, the writer can strengthen the oppositions. They should be more easily revealed. She does mention the government, but besides the government, there should be more statistics that can back her opposition to make it more clear to the reader and to better support her thesis.
The strongest point that the writer points out would be the fact that we are able to get married yet we are not able to drink. This point clearly demonstrates that the law doesn’t make sense. If we are able to think as adults by raising our own family, then we should definitely be able to drink.
The weakest point that the writer demonstrates is that the fact that her thesis question is very unclear. We start off with changing the law from 21 to 18 to be able to drink, and we end off with the government installing breathalyzers in our cars. It leads the reader into a certain questionable daze. I would clear that up. Also, I would include more statistics of the death rate of 21 year old's drunk driving.
ReplyDeleteTo my opinion, I find the essay organized. It goes from stating different points in the write paragraphs and the form of the essay is well organized.
One more strong point that would support the viewpoint of the writer would be to include the statistics of 21 year old's driving, and the death rate of that. This would benefit and strengthen the argument by showing us that teenagers are not the only ones responsible for drunken accidents. This would also evaluate the unfairness that 18 year old's have against 21 year old's.
One more counterargument that can be suggested would be how the death rates of 18 year old's and the effect that the rebels have on us. Try to establish a connection to prove that it would be easier to lower the drinking age to 18 then have it on 21.
5.Twenty-one being the legal drinking age should be changed to eighteen because we are categorized as “adults” in the eyes of the government and we are given many rights as adults then. For example, we are allowed to vote, get married, own a gun and enroll in the army. Although you must be twenty-one to drink, this law doesn't stop minors from drinking. Instead, people under twenty-one will just consume alcohol irresponsibly, because they feel as if it's a way to "rebel". In forcing this law of the drinking age as twenty-one, it is actually making the problems worse. Lowering the drinking age can teach responsible drinking to those who drink alcoholic beverages. Eighteen year old's should be treated like the "adults" they are.
6.Considering that I am this age, I feel that it's wrong to call an eighteen year old an "adult" but at the same time not let them drink an alcoholic beverage. *REVISED: Considering that I am this age, I feel that it is wrong to call an eighteen year old an “adult” but at the same time restrict eighteen year old's from consuming alcoholic beverage.
*Just because someone is under the age of twenty-one, doesn't mean they will drink and drive. REVISED. Sighting that someone is under the age of twenty-one, does not mean they will drink and drive.
7. Add more statistics, write out the words completely. I.E. Doesn’t = Does not.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1. A. The essay will be about the age that people should be able to drink.
ReplyDeleteB. The writer wants to lower the drinking age.
C. The writers hooks my attention by saying that eighteen year olds should be treated as equals to other adults.
D. Use a different example than “drinking alcohol.” You already said that eighteen year olds can’t drink.
2. –Able to vote.
- Able to buy cigarettes.
- Allowed to buy guns.
- Able to fly a plane.
- Legally an adult, but can’t make adult decisions.
3. Not clear if present.
4. A. Not clear where the writer faces opposition.
B. The strongest point is that eighteen yr. olds are able to make their own decisions but they cannot drink.
C. The weakest point is that the body paragraphs are repetitive. They both say the same thing over and over again.
D. For now it is organized in a clear manner, but more information should be added.
E. Mention other things eighteen year olds are able to.
F. Why was it raised in the first place? What events led to the act?
5. All adults regardless of age should be treated equally.
6. It seems to not make sense how the U.S. Government trusts eighteen year olds with their votes, yet they cannot allow them to be responsible enough drink an alcoholic beverage.
It doesn’t seem to make sense that the U.S. government trusts eighteen year old to vote, yet does not feel they are responsible enough to drink an alcoholic beverage.
Stating/declaring means that same thing in this sentence: On July 17, 1984, the Uniform Drinking Age Act was formed, which states the legal drinking age to be declared to twenty-one from eighteen.
On July 17th, 1984 the uniform Drinking Act was passed, stating that the legal drinking age would be raised from eighteen to twenty- one.
7. “because they feel as if it’s a way to rebel”
-because they feel that it’s a way to rebel sound a bit more natural
“but at the same time we cannot go to the bar and drink afterwards”
After what?
1.A.Lowering the drinking age requirement.
ReplyDeleteB.The writer wants to lower the drinking age requirement back to 18.
C.The introduction "hooked" my attention by stating what an 18 year can and cannot do.
D.Include statistics to back up your information in the introduction.
2. -18 year olds are adults and should be treated like one.
-At the age of 18, the "adults" are able to purchase guns and cigarettes, but cannot drink legally.
3. -The Uniform Drinking Age Act is an attempt to lower the amount of drunk driving accidents, that is believed to be caused mainly by drivers under the age of 21.
4.A.You need statistics to prove your counterargument.
B.The writer's strongest point is stating the hypocrisy of defining what an adult is.
C. The weakest point is the lack of statistics. You need factual support.
D. The essay is organized.
E. Lowering the age limit would change drinking habits and would have long-term health benefits.
F. Drinking can make teenagers more vulnerable to drugs, unprotected sex, depression and violence.
5. Being a legal adult, 18 year olds should be allowed to drink legally.
6. "In forcing this law of the drinking age as twenty-one, it is actually making the problems worse." Enforcing this law....[[continue the sent]]
"At eighteen, were able to contribute in making the decision of who runs our country."
At eighteen, we're...[[cont]]
7. Elaborate more on how lowering the drinking age will stop teenagers from drinking because it will no longer be a form of rebelling.
1. A. It is about lowering the drinking age.
ReplyDeleteB. against the drinking age being 21
C. It actually doesn’t (sorry) because there are too many opinions at once. You should try to add some facts. Not just one, because the only fact I see is the first sentence of your introductory paragraph.
D. Like I said you should add some more facts about this situation. Also don’t start your introductory paragraph with a sentence like “On July 17, 1984, the Uniform Drinking Age Act was formed, which states the legal drinking age to be declared to twenty-one from eighteen.”
2. Arguments
- 18 year olds should be treated as adults therefore should be allowed to drink
- 18 year olds allowed to vote but not drink
3. Counterarguments
- 18-20 year olds are the main cause behind most drunk driving incidents today.
4. A. You don’t really deal with it. I understand you are against the drinking age being at 21, but you should still talk about your counterargument a bit more. Maybe talk about the good reasons to why they changed the drinking age to 21.
B. Your strong point is that you have good opinions. Your opinions will help you try to convince the reader to why the drinking age showed be lowered.
C. You’re weakest point is that you don’t have much facts to support your thought. You have statistics about people who die from cigarettes, but you’re talking about drinking. So I don’t see why you had to mention that in your essay.
D. I think the way you develop your thoughts for each paragraph, like you paragraph for different thoughts, so it’s ok. Just be sure to add more facts into each essay and strong arguments.
E. One argument could be you could mention how in other countries such as Japan and Korea, their legal drinking age is 19 years old.
F. One counterargument could be the consequences 18 year olds might face if they drink. For example the zero tolerance law against teenager who drink under the influence of alcohol. Have you thought of why they might have increased the drinking age to 21?
5. “On July 17, 1984, the Uniform Drinking Age Act was formed, which states the legal drinking age to be declared to twenty-one from eighteen.”
6. Your thesis statement would confuse people. Maybe this could work:
- The legal drinking age for drinking alcohol should be decreased to the age of eighteen years old.
7. The transition between your paragraphs is kind of confusing. You have good ideas to talk about but they don’t connect with each other. For example, paragraph 2, you are comparing drinking to many things such as voting and getting married. But then you go to paragraph 3, your topic sentence states that 440,000 people die for cigarette use. Don’t start a paragraph with statistics like that.
8. 1. “This law was changed in an attempt to lower the amount of drunk driving accidents, but I am opposed to this solution.”
-This law was changed in the attempt to lower the number of drunk driving accidents.
----Do not say you are opposed to this unless you actually wanted the amount of drunk driving accidents to increase. (hey if you believe that then it’s okay, but yea just saying)----
2. “It seems to not make sense how the U.S. Government trusts eighteen year olds with their votes, yet they cannot allow them to be responsible enough drink an alcoholic beverage.”
- It does not seem to make sense that the U.S. Government trusts eighteen year olds to vote, but they cannot give us the privilege to drink alcohol beverages.
3. “We are able to fight and die for our country, but at the same time we cannot go to the bar and drink afterwards”
- I don’t think this sentence should be used, because you’re comparing drinking alcohol to fighting for our country. (I don’t see the connection)
1. Read only the introduction to the essay and then answer the following questions. Make sure to post them in the “comments” section (you can find the link at the bottom of the post where it says “0 comments.” The 0 will change, obviously, as you and your classmates leave responses). Make sure to include your name at the top of the post.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you think this essay will be about? Drinking Age
What position is the writer taking? She wants to lower the drinking age
How does the introduction try to “hook” your attention?by stating the changes in the law and also showing how she believes that not only underage people will make the mistake of drinking and driving
Make some specific suggestions for trying to improve this introduction. i thought it was pretty good. maybe put some statistics (where you say that not only 18 year olds drink and drive).
2. Read through the essay carefully. As you read, list the writer’s arguments to
support the thesis. not only do young people drink and drive, 18 year olds are trusted with choosing who runs the country, able to get married, able to fight in war, shes showing that were mature enough to do all these things but not drink.
3. List the counterarguments the author has recognized.
she only supports her argument
4. After the reading the text and listing the arguments and counterarguments the writer presents, answer the following questions:
How well does the writer deal with the opposition?she does not state any
What is the writer’s strongest point and why?that we are responsible to do all this things(stated in part 3) but not drink
What is the writer’s weakest point and why? Should it be eliminated? Strengthened? Replaced with something else? Make specific suggestions for revision. need more counter arguments
Are the points of the argument organized in the most effective manner? If not, suggest a more strategic order. i think its fine because she shows her arguments then some statistics and then her opinion.
Try to come up with at least one more strong point that supports the viewpoint the writer is taking and would strengthen the essay. i think she states most of the arguments.
Now try to come up with at least one more counterargument that the author has not addressed. Suggest ways to include this in the essay. what do the parents think ? are we really responsible? maybe the other things should have the age raised?
5. Rewrite the thesis statement, concentrating on clarity, word choice, argumentative tone, etc. Try to write a better thesis statement for the essay.
At the age of 18 we turn into adults, but in the matter of drinking it seems that we fall short.
6. Choose two full sentences you think would benefit from revision. Copy and paste them, then rewrite them in a way you feel is clearer, less awkward, and more effective.
The two statistics just stated involve items you can buy at the age of eighteen. < this is not needed
The government needs to realize that you can be any age to drink and drive, and thats its not just from eighteen to twenty-one years old. Our government needs to realize that at if we are mature enough at the age of 18 to make the decision of smoking or going to war or choosing a president, then we most likely are able to make the right decision when it comes to alcohol.
7. Make mention of several other useful objects for revision: misspelled words, topic sentences, transitions between paragraphs, etc. More counterarguments
The government needs to realize that you can be any age to drink and drive, and thats its not just from eighteen to twenty-one years old. thats to that
Ariella Aghalarian
ReplyDelete1. A) The essay will be about the Drinking age.
B) She is opposed to the law that would change drinking age from 18 to 21.
C) She tries to “hook” our attention by stating what 18 year olds can and cannot do and comparing them to adults but you should find a better way to hook the attention of your audience because it is not something that would really catch my attention.
D) Include statistics to back up your statements and also clarify the thesis.
State your topic sentence differently.
2. Arguments
• Wont necessarily drink and drive
• We are adults- so we should be treated like adults
• We can vote, fight, get married, buy a gun… but we can’t drink
3. Counterarguments
• 18-20 year olds are the main cause behind drunk driving incidents
4. A) Does not really deal with opposition. Should give statistics supporting your opposition. Talk about why they changed the age and say why it’s a bad idea.
B) Strongest point: That we can do all those other things but we cant drink- because this is the main argument that people usually make
C) Weakest point: Don’t have enough statistics and you mention how people die from cigarettes- but you don’t make a connection with that and the point you’re trying to make.
D) I like how you involve yourself by giving your opinion but you should make it more of an argumentsupport opinion form. And add more counterarguments.
E) Adults and “children” can make stupid mistakes just the same, so it doesn’t do anything to change the age
F) Talk about the consequences 18 year olds face with how they are more prone to making bad decisions because they are in the transition stage and still have “the mind of a teenager”.
5. The legal drinking age should be 18 years old.
6. In forcing this law of the drinking age as twenty-one, it is actually making the problems worse. Revised: Increasing the drinking age will only bring about more issues.
With all these privileges or rights we get at eighteen, what makes twenty-one so special for drinking? Revised: Just as we acquire so many privileges at 18, drinking should be one of them.
7. You say : Instead, people under twenty-one will just consume alcohol irresponsibly, because they feel as if it's a way to "rebel, elaborate on how that is.
and thats its ( that it’s) not just from eighteen to twenty-one years old.
Overall, good transitions, spelling and grammar. Add counterarguments.
1. A)The legal drinking age in America.
ReplyDeleteB) The writer is for lowering the drinking age in the hopes of decreasing the number of alcohol- related accidents and incidents that plague minors.
C) The intro tries to ‘hook’ your attention by mentioning the argument that eighteen year olds are legally considered adults yet they are not doomed mature enough to choose to consume alcohol.
D) f some of the logistics of the Uniform Drinking Age Act were mentioned as well as a statistic for how many alcohol related accidents have occurred with minors involved.
2. 18 year olds are allowed to get married, vote, fly a plane, bare firearms, and drive yet they are not considered mature enough to consume alcohol.
Drunk driving is the main concern with lowering the drinking age yet deaths directly related to items 18 year olds are allowed to purchase have staggering statistics as well.
3. 18 year olds have the highest rate for drunk driving car accidents.
4. A) She doesn’t directly deal with the opposition, but rather simply mentions a counter argument.
B) The strongest point is that 18 year olds are allowed to engage in certain ‘adult’ behaviors that have more serious repercussions than consuming alcohol, yet the government has deemed them unfit to be responsible with their drinking.
C) There isn’t enough factual evidence (including statistics and maybe quotes) to back up your point and prove that 18 year olds ARE mature enough to consume alcohol without increasing the number of drunk driving accidents every year.
D) She could even include more points of argument (there only seems to be one main one). The first sentence of each paragraph could be re-written to make it clear what that paragraph’s focus will be. Also if more counterarguments could be included then she could organize the paragraph so that arguments followed counterarguments to make her points stronger.
E) 18 year olds would no longer want to engage in an activity that was not deemed ‘rebellious’. If less of them were drinking then the dangerous activities they would normally engage in that are deemed dangerous by the government would occur less and less.
F) If she could list one of the reasons why they imposed the Uniform Drinking Age Act (1984) that would be a good counter argument. The reason why the government thought it was necessary to raise the drinking age from 18 (where it was originally) to 21.
5. In a country where 18 year olds are considered adults, the choice to consume alcohol should be included in this description.
ReplyDelete6. ‘If you need to be twenty-one to drink, maybe you should be twenty-one to smoke and purchase a firearm as well, considering the deaths caused by them are obviously very high also.’ Revised: If you need to be twenty-one to drink, then you should be this age to engage in all other ‘adult’ activities considering they all have high death statistics.
‘Considering that I am this age, I feel that it’s wrong to call an eighteen year old an “adult” but at the same time not let them drink an alcoholic beverage.’ Revised: Since I am eighteen I feel it is wrong to consider me an ‘adult’ and not allow me to legally consume an alcoholic beverage.’
7. At least two more strong counter arguments and one more strong argument would make the essay’s argument stronger. This topic is consistently debated so if less common reasons could be mentioned it would be able to sway the reader by presenting them with arguments they couldn’t come up with on their own.
Argumentative Research Essay Evaluation Points
ReplyDelete1.
A. Drinking Age
B. For a lower drinking age
C. How does the introduction try to “hook” your attention?
D. Remove the "I" in the intro. It makes it sound too opinionated from the start.
2. For this topic the essay's argument and counterargument seem to be the same.
3. Eighteen year old are considered an adult in other aspects, such as voting and buying a gun, so it seems to contradict when given the fact that they can't drink.
4.
A. She deals well with it providing several statistics to back the arguments up.
B. That smoking kills so many people and yet 18 year olds can do that and not drink.
C. She addresses drinking and driving briefly. It should be eliminated because it is the leading cause of teenage death and works against the essay more than any good.
D. The points are organized well, moving from one topic that attributes to adulthood to another.
E. She hits all the strong arguments.
F. If raising the age for other things considered a mature decision won't it just postpone this age of recklessness.
5. Raising the drinking age is not going to solve the problems associated with drinking.
6. All the sentences are actually very clear. the only thing I can say is remove the I's. It seems too opinionated and coming from a teenager.
7. As stated in the intro section and just before the only problem is that the essay as a whole seems highly biased/opinionated and it won't get the point across. It sounds like it is written by a teenager because of the I and the sentences like "18 year olds should be treated like the adults they are."
1. Introduction
ReplyDelete- The essay will be about the minimum legal drinking age
- Writer’s position: lower the drinking age
- The writer hooks attention by showing how the current law elicits the opposite reaction of what it sought to do
- Suggestions for improvement:
o Its unnecessary to include the date when the act was passed
o You don’t specifically say that the age should be lowered to “18”
2. Supporting arguments
- People who drink and drive will do so no matter what their age is
- 18 year olds are categorized as adults and should therefore have similar rights as other adults
- The current law doesn’t prevent minors from drinking anyway[
- Lowering the age would teach teens to drink responsibly
- The current law is causes rebellion in teenagers
3. There are no counterarguments
4. .
A. The writer does not mention the opposition
B. The writer’s strongest point is that as adults, 18 year olds should have the same rights as other adults
C. The weakest point is that many arguments that were mentioned in the introduction are not explained in depth
D. The points are arranged in the best manner
E. I cant think of any more
F. Why was the drinking age raised to 21 in the first place?
5. Thesis statement: “The minimum legal drinking age should be lowered to 18.”
6. “ On July 17, 1984, the Uniform Drinking Age Act was formed, which states the legal drinking age to be declared to twenty-one from eighteen.”
Change to: “The Uniform Drinking Age Act raised the minimum legal drinking age to 21.”
“At eighteen, were able to contribute in making the decision of who runs our country.”
Change to: “At eighteen, we are able to decide who gets to run the country.”
7. I think you should elaborate on the arguments that you made in the introduction. Also mention some counterarguments. The tone sounds too biased against the current law so maybe temper that a little.